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(corrected version) Dear Friends, At the end I had to rush the essay. Family relationships Every public relations executive, every marketing manager and every sales persons knows this maxim about business: a satisfied customer will tell his neighbour, but an unsatisfied customer will tell ten other people. The same goes for families. A neighbour will know about the happy family living next door, but the whole neighbourhood will know about an unhappy family living in the street. But there is more to family relationships then unhappy families. For this discussion we need to establish what we mean by family and relationships. not only do we need to clarify what constitutes a family but also who may be a member of a family. moreover, does membership to a family confer any privileges? Relationships itself is a rather open ended concept. How should we understand this concept? Are there duties and obligations involved? Does this imply social relationships as well? The days when philosophers could relax on their favourite easy chair and contemplate the infinite are long gone. Today we have to contend with what is happening in other branches of knowledge mongering. To be fair it has always been like that; more or less. From our point of view, we have to consider a family both as a biological system and a social organisation. And each aspect has its own set of philosophical issues. A high school teacher of mine was fond of tell us that; a problem shared, is a problem halved. Apart from being a catchy phrase, it is also backed up by such theories as game theory or evolutionary biological systems. The fact that humans have evolved into two distinct sexes implies that there must be some form of cooperation between the two to fulfil the biological task of reproduction. Well, reproduction is certainly a problem halved, even if today it might be shared with a laboratory technician wearing a white coat and face mask rather than something kinkier for the occasion. White coats apart, we can still take the biologically determined union as the basis of what we mean by family. However, we must also distinguish, today, between genetically related family, when the off springs of a couple are also genetically related to each other. Today, with fertility technology the off springs need not necessarily be genetically related to the parents (to both or one of them). The other forms of families still follow the traditional make up; adopted children and step children. One important aspect of a genetic family is that there is a strong genetic bond to protect and bring up the young. Whether we call this genetic altruism or instinctive behaviour is not that important for us. This sort of genetic cooperation makes evolutionary sense if the offspring is given a good chance to reach reproductive age. A great deal of generic families follow this strategy. But sometimes, in fact many times, the genetic parents or parent of an offspring abandon that very same offspring. Although we tend to associate this phenomenon with pictures from developing countries, it is not exclusive to these countries. How should we read and understand this sort of family relationship? We can look at this as confirmation that if life in our environment becomes seriously dangerous to our own survival, it would make sense to abandon any offsprings that might prejudice the chances of survival. To put this in a very colloquial way; looking after number one is the first priority. Incidentally this seemingly selfish behaviour has nothing to do with the idea of the selfish gene introduced by Dawkins. Some might object to this idea of looking after number one first. However, a work around this seemingly biological instinct is not to put one's self and one's offspring in danger. Hence, the answer to families living in a very hostile and impoverished environment is not to hold on to offsprings, come what may, but not to have offsprings in the first place. If we want to escape from a hostile environment, it seems to me to be unethical to have offsprings in such an environment. We could also say that when a parent abandons its genetic offspring it is a reflection of a breakdown in the genetic programme. A sort of malfunction of the genetic survival system. But this has to be contrasted with the fact that the reproductive instinct is much stronger than the caring instinct. Not to mention that there will be other opportunities to reproduce, for someone of reproducible maturity and sufficiently good health. Another interpretation is what we might call the cuckoo phenomenon. Since the reproductive instinct is so pronounced one can take the view of having offsprings anyway and then hope others will take care of them. Especially when human nature has developed and evolved a sophisticated form of social and biological altruistic cooperation. This approach depends on the belief that not every one will cheat the system and the system is rigid enough not to withhold any altruistic cooperation to those who need it. At the genetic level this behaviour is as neutral and amoral as the fertilisation process itself; what matters is that the biological system reaches reproductive maturity to pass on the genes to the next generation and not who cares for that system in the meantime. That genetic parents are more likely to care for an offspring is not the same as saying that only the genetic parents can care for an offspring. If this is a true representation of relationships within a biological family then surely there seems to be a minimum threshold of personal survival before the genetic instinct to care for off springs takes over. Could it be that this means that family relationships at the biological level are relative to the environment the biological individual find themselves in? Moreover, at the biological level family relationships are not only relative but also flexible. Thus, what makes a biological/genetic family in a state of equilibrium is when it can overcome or manage well the difficulties of the environment around it. The family is of course more than just parents and offsprings, but when we take other members into consideration, we change the parameters from biological to social. Of course, the biological element is still there, but for day to day considerations it is not that prominent. I will call this the social family. If nature did not introduce some sort of categorical imperative to look after genetic offsprings, then can we imply a categorical imperative for the social family? As a cooperative system that exploits its environment social and biological families surely involve rights and duties for its members. These rights and duties surely introduce their own moral and social obligations. For example, at the biological level one has to contribute one's energy (which is part of a biological systems) in exploiting the environment for the good of the family group. However, looking after offsprings as a form of family relationship must surely count as the most fundamental of family relationships and obligation. After all, they are one's offsprings; what can be more basic than that? Of course, this does not imply an obligation ad infinitum, but certainly an obligation until circumstances require it. Maybe even at the social level of family relationship there isn't an obvious categorical imperative to look after offsprings let alone other family members. However, there is a strong practical expediency to look after family members or have good family relationships. The family is certainly the most important group we have access to and know very well. Thus, having good family relationships makes good sense. It is also the first group we are likely to be indebted to in the first place. although there does not seem to be any form of categorical imperative to have good relationships with one's family there does seem to be a very strong rational argument to actually do have good relationships with one's family. This changes the moral standing of the family from "have to" to "want to." And this principle seems to be taken very seriously by some families. Just consider the fortunes and histories of mafia families, dynasties, American presidential families, European monarchies, and business empires. There is no doubt that fortune favours the audacious, as Machiavelli said, but it also favours good family relationships. It is safe to assume that both at the genetic/biological level and the intra-relationship level there is nothing that makes it imperative for families have to have a cooperative relationship. However, it makes sense that families should adopt cooperative relationship strategies; division of labour, accumulation of resources, protection and safety. The evidence does seem to point in this direction. But as I have said, families in also genetic context become social entities. And as social living organisations they have to interact and compete within their society and with other families. Although some might object that this inter-social relationship is off topic I do not believe so. Firstly, what happens in society has a direct causal effect on the family; for example a change in the political fortunes of a society affects all families in the society. Secondly, we as individuals within a family group also have to interact with individuals outside our family; for example, holding a job. This directly or indirectly has an effect on the family. And thirdly, which is the most important point of all, society, through its various institutions and organisations, imposes itself on the family. It is this third point that I want discuss next. The issues raised by the influence of society on families are quite wide. I therefore want to submit just a flavour of what I am thinking about. I will refer to two extreme cases of the spectrum. The first is a quote from the archbishop of Canterbury and the other is more a type of family interference within a genre of interferences: I refer to honour killings which is an extreme case of social influence. But although we associate honour killing with certain cultures and religions, we still find it in very mild and dilutes forms through class and caste structures. The archbishop is quoted* as saying, “.....pushy parents who rush children between ballet and violin lessons are suffocating their offspring too. Children live crowded lives, we're not making their lives easy by pressurising them, whether it's the claustrophobia of gang culture or the claustrophobia of intense achievement in middle-class areas." What the archbishop is referring to is of course something most people in western and partly developed countries experience. The need to achieve and the need to succeed is an ever present pressure on all of us. The archbishop uses the word achievement, but we can distil this concept further to extract the real driving force behind this behaviour: I shall call it the cult-of-wanting-more. The archbishop seems to have missed the point here: it is not that we set ourselves goals to achieve things, but that we want more whatever those goals are achieved. Achievement is a signal to want more. We want more because that is the society and culture we live in tells us we should do. We want a faster bigger car, a more expensive house, a more exotic holiday, and so on. And from this we get the pressure on families and its members. Of course this achievement and wanting more is always dressed as a virtue and the right thing to do. But the bottom line is this, if we want more than by definition we are never satisfied, and if we are not satisfied then surely our plans for the family have failed. And if we or our partner fails this is seen as having failed the family. In April this year most of us read** about or saw the video of the honour killing of the 17-year-old Yazidi girl who was killed in public simply for falling in love with a Muslim boy. Indeed this is an extreme case of cultural delinquency and social immorality, but certainly not an unusual one. But our society and our culture does not only interfere with family relationships as in these extreme cases. In English, especially British English, we have the expression, “to marry above or below one’s station.” Maybe it is not as common as it used to be, but even having a negative expression to describe certain unions is bad enough. Thus the idea of marrying someone who comes from a different class, group or caste is itself a pressure on the family. Maybe we have stopped seeing families, especially the parents of the family, as life long strategic alliances, but now we see families as business partnership with a P&L analysis every so often. Pressure does not only come in the form of achievement or cultural delinquency, but also what passes as moral principles. I have argued that in nature there is no binding categorical imperative, only mutually advantageous strategies, which work for most, most of the time. Nature did not establish a do or die imperative for family relationships any more than it has created such a principle for reproduction. But societies and most religions do try to impose such imperatives. imperatives that require a license to fall in love, imperatives not to separate when alliances fail, imperatives to reproduce which seems like blind following of the want-more cult and imperatives that promote class-ism (kings are not suppose to marry commoners). In real life, of course, there have always been divorces, birth control and the rest of it, except only the privileged families could avail themselves of these opportunities. Not to mention that usually these rules are biased and prejudicial to women. Are men ever victims of honour killings? In a report** that appeared in the New York Times, NICHOLAS WADE writes about the work of Dr Haidt who basically asks whether the categorical imperative (do unto others), in found in our genes. Dr Haidt has identified what he calls innate psychological mechanisms which basically are: loyalty to the in-group, respect for authority and hierarchy, and a sense of purity or sanctity. He is also quoted as saying that, "Those who found ways to bind themselves together were more successful." Successful in natural selection; he even suggests that religion help humans succeed in nature. Not everyone agrees. Dr Frans B. M. de Waal has this to say, "For me, the moral system is one that resolves the tension between individual and group interests in a way that seems best for the most members of the group, hence promotes a give and take." Of course this is a modern version of an age old problem. It seems that this issue of family relationships (as in other relationships) is without a clear cut explanation and solution. However, we do know for sure that nature is very adaptable and accommodating. After all that is the secret of success of natural selection. I do not think that the categorical imperative applies here. Take care Lawrence *'Is our society broken? Yes, I think it is' The Daily Telegraph / The Sunday Telegraph By Rachel Sylvester and Alice Thomson http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/09/15/nbishop215.xml **Is ‘Do Unto Others’ Written Into Our Genes? The New York Times September 18, 2007 http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/18/science/18mora.html?_r=1&ref=science&pagewanted=print&oref=slogin *************************************************** **********HOLIDAY FLATS********** Mayte; Almer

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Medical is meant to cover the cost of treatment that an individual incur after falling critically ill. Considering the uncertainties of life, it cannot be predicted when someone is going to fall ill or how much critical the illness will be. Nor anybody can foresee the cost of the treatment. So, it really makes sense to go for insurance so that you can get timely and adequate treatment in case you fall critically ill. Medical insurance are available for individuals as well as for groups. The first one provides coverage to only one individual, or family. This type of insurance plans can be obtained directly from a company who offers them. Generally, an evaluation is made by the company with whom you apply. They provide a questionnaire, to be filled up by the applicant. It contains questions about your current and past health history. What they want to asses is the risk they will have to undertake by offering you the health insurance policy. Most of the individual insurance plans come under managed health care plans. If you continue to pay your insurance premium, the coverage time continues and your insurer cannot cancel your coverage if you become sick. Individual insurance is preferable for those who want a customised plan. Like all other insurance policies, medical insurance is also available for groups. This type of policy is usually more comprehensive and less expensive than individual insurance. In this type of insurance, the provisions of the policy are negotiated between the insurer and master policy owner that may be an employer or association. It offers varied options and lower premiums. Individual or group, medical insurance is important for everybody. An unexpected illness or serious injury can render anybody unfit for work. Ultimately, you will be in an unsavoury situation and your family will be under financial stress. Hence, it is better to be in safer side and opt for insurance. buy software cheap oem software

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Oh dear, all is not well in Nanny's nursery. Nanny's little elves and sprites have had something of a falling out amongst themselves. It seems that Fungus Clarke and Nanny's Smooth Talking Bar Steward John Despot are annoyed at the £90M fund being given to Louise Casey, Nanny's so called "anti yob" adviser and "respect co-ordinator". Those of you with long memories may recall that Ms Casey got herself in hot water, a while ago, for saying that it would be best if ministers et al came to work pissed. See "Anti Binge Drinking Policy is Bollocks" for more details. Anyhoo, Blairy Poppins is annoyed at the lack of enthusiasm for her initiative shown by Fungus and Despot. These naughty boys have been trying to block Nanny from funding the campaign. Tut tut! Expressions of free will are simply not allowed, didn't you know that boys? Blairy has sided with Casey against Fungus, when Casey criticised "evidence-based" policy built on statistics. Blairy recently told Fungus, at a private meeting, that he needed "a sense of conviction" about the antisocial behaviour agenda. In other words, Nanny is saying that beliefs matter more than facts. Well, that's certainly one way to make up policy! Unfortunately it is not the right way. Blairy then went on to write to David Miliband, Despot's deputy who tried to block funding, saying: "I am grateful for what you have been doing so far with Louise and her 'respect' team I am firmly of the view, though, that the 'respect' programme of work will not be able to function and deliver results without clear and dedicated funds from the relevant departments, particularly the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, where a major tranche of this works falls." In other words, what Blairy says goes! Cabinet collective responsibility has been banned. buy software cheap oem software

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More of me - and more of a very annoyed me. As for why on good lords earth am I annoyed, I happen to have an assortment of down right ridiculous reasons which are attributable to that cursed thing called reality. So lets get out a top three list since pharmacists love to do lists and that is one core skill they learn in pharmacy school! That and making it arcane as can be so that only the right person will get to know it. Giving up on your only (supposedly over the top) demands for handing over your life to a system you have zero faith in is considered commendable. Having to make decisions solely because I feel that a lot of people I care for would be upset if I dragged my feet any longer and not because I believe in the system that my decisions will influence my life for the rest of my time. (Decisions have consequences but making it still sucks! My university representative finds it appropriate to charge me if I have to postpone my exam by a week but will show favour to another student and not charge her because she is falling behind, has to travel from wherever, or whatever cock and bull reason. (Its true that both the people involved are friends but whats more true right now is that I just dont give a flying f**k) So there, now I'm gonna call it a day and sleep it off. Maybe that will work! Laters G cheap oem software buy software

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I'm stealing this idea from my co-author, Aaron Newton - but it was so cool I couldn't not write about it. In the process of writing our book about how to de-industrialize agriculture _A Nation of Farmers_ Aaron suggested that instead of one 100 mile (or 200 mile or whatever) diet, we think in terms of a bulls eye model, which emphasizes bringing as much of your diet as possible home to your local area. This would look like a dart board, with a bullseye in the center. That center dot would be your home. And the first question is "how much of my food can I produce here." For some people, the answer will be very little - only sprouts and a few windowboxes, perhaps. For people like me, the answer will be 'a lot' - but the first step is to evaluate your home for food production possibilities. Be imaginative. You think you can't keep any livestock, right? What about rabbits for angora wool, or meat. How about bantam chickens, kept in cages like pet birds for eggs? What about bees or worms? You can't garden out front, because of zoning restrictions? Well how about replacing your front yard lawn with ornamental edibles - beautiful blueberry bushes, grapevines trained to an arbor, a pecan tree. Got shade? Rhubarb and gooseberries will tolerate it, as will many medicinal herbs. And the bottlebrush beauty of black cohosh will look just like you planted it for pretty. We all know that growing food is important, but it is necessary to realize just *how* important. Industrial conventional agriculture is an ecological disaster. Industrial organic agriculture is increasingly organic only in name - and is just as doused in petroleum as conventional. Agriculture of all kinds is a major contributor to greenhouse gasses. But moreover, food yields are levelling off and falling due to climate change. North Africa lost 2/3 of its grain crops this year, the Australian grain crops dropped by more than 50%. The world has its lowest food reserves since measures have been taken. This is a recipe for famine - large scale, worldwide - even here. The smaller the plot of land you work, the more productive it is (after some practice). A person with one garden bed who manages it inch by inch can produce yields per square foot that dwarf anything a conventional farmer can produce. A farm of 2 acres is often 200 times more productive in total output (according to Peter Rosset's Paper _Small is Beautiful__) than a conventional farmer's use of land. Industrial agriculture is far to *inefficient* in its land use for us to risk continuing it, when human lives are at stake. Up to now, we've thought of efficiency in terms of less labor - if few people could produce more food, that was an efficiency. But it was only efficient because energy was cheap and abundant, and we're at the end of those days. Now, with a growing world population, climate change and falling yields, we need to return to efficiency PER ACRE - the project of generating the most possible food from each bit of productive land we engage with. Doing so means land for wildlife habitat, the chance to restore stripped soils, the hope of arresting some of the ecological crisis we've encountered. The key, then, is getting as many people involved in farming and gardening as possible. My own assessment is that we need 100 million new Farmers, broadly construed. That is, we need about 1/3 of the American population to take real responsibility for producing some of their own food. It isn't enough just to create demand - more is going to be asked of all of than simply wanting. Because one out of three means taking responsibility. If we're to raise food on a small, highly productive scale, we need much more participation. I've written more about this here:http://casaubonsbook.blogspot.com/2006/12/50-million-100-million-200-bazillion.html. The next ring would be the food in your neighborhood. Is there a community garden? Could you create one in a public park or on a vacant lot? Is anyone else growing food? Could you get someone else growing food? I got my neighbor to start a food producing garden by offering to put one in for her as a thank you gift. Aaron gardens on the land of his elderly neighbors, growing food and sharing it with them. My old friend Laurie is growing a garden on her church grounds. Are there churches, businesses, or other folks with land you could engage with? What about getting the neighborhood teenagers involved? What about foraging in your neighborhood? Even in Manhattan, Wildman Steve Brill offers foraging classes to teach people to eat their local weeds. How much of your food could you get from the neighborhood that way? Ok, next step would be your town. Are there right to farm laws? Could you get some instituted? How about changing zoning to permit livestock or front yard gardens? Are there any farmers there? Can you patronize them? Have you considered advertising? Put up a sign saying "I would like to buy organic produce from within my community" - maybe someone will start up a market garden. Check into local immigrant communities - many brought their agricultural traditions with them, and they may have surpluses for sale if you ask. Are there old farms with retiring or aging owners - does your town have a plan for protecting that land from development? So the first three bullseyes are probably all within 10 miles of you. The goal is to get as much as possible, as close as possible. For me, that would be quite a bit. I can get milk, eggs, meat, and most of my produce locally. That isn't normal - but a gardening movement that gets food back on people's properties means that this will be increasingly possible. The next step would be your immediate bioregion - perhaps 25 miles from your town. And then outwards to 50 and 100 and 250. But remember, every community, every region has a foodshed (like a watershed) that has to feed it. The further out you go, the more likely you are to bump into someone else's foodshed. For example, if you live in Manhattan, by the time you get 100 miles in any given direction, you've bumped into the foodshed for at least one other medium to large city, as well as a number of heavily populated suburbs and small cities. For example, if you look towards Connecticut, the foodshed for Manhattan at 100 miles is also the foodshed for New Haven, Hartford, Providence (in the sense that it is less than 100 miles for each of these), as well as Bridgeport, Stamford, Waterbury and a host of suburbs and cities. Go north towards me, and you've run into the foodshed for Poughkeepsie, Albany, etc... I'm not criticizing the notion of a 100 mile diet, which has been a powerful tool in teaching people to look locally for food sources. And now, at the beginning of this movement, the 100 mile or 250 mile diet is a great tool. But what if the movement grows, as we hope it will. Can 8 million New Yorkers (or 8 million people in Tucson/Pheonix - I'm using NYC as an example here) have a 100 mile diet? The answer is probably not - it means the foodshed for the region will have to expand. But the only way we can do that fairly is to ensure that as much food as possible is being grown where the people are. That means Victory Gardens on every lawn, in city parks, in neighborhoods. And it means prioritizing food from your very immediate foodshed - from the center circles of your bullseye. That won't be easy for many people, and it is a long term project. We can't necessarily do it today. But the local food movement is growing fast, and demand alone won't ensure that hunger never strikes Americans, and that we always have enough excess to offer succor and hunger relief to the people who are running out of food because of climate change we caused. If we're to burn carbon sending grains around the planet, they should be going to the world's hungry, not to us, whenever possible. Like a darts game, you won't always hit your circle. But with practice, you can get a little closer every time. The more food you create in your community, the better off we all are. Sharon cheap oem software buy software

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Managers of a functionally occasioned firm must coordinate the actions of each link. Unsimilar, the portions may obliteration up bearing down at across principles. The incentive conflict in depend set more lending members is a canonical summary. The S&L crisis of the early 1980's was caused, interpolated sampling, ended the code of S&L's which borrowed short (deposits) including lent hanker (framework mortgages). During upset amounts skyrocketed tween the early 1980's, S&L borrowing costs increased dramatically meanwhile depositors rightful higher degrees, but bottom line did not inspire dormant the 30-day, fixed-rate mortgages. Good managers would notice the mismatch bounded by put again interests maturities likewise profit by financial markets to offload some of the risk. It seems during if something connate may be on track latent mid today's banks. The investing originators and (accommodation brokers) are compensated mainly forward folio, but not the gradation of the loans they organize. This leads to risky loans that may not be basic since risky pending housing bids establish falling, along with borrowers stuff it moreover profitable to forfeit the erection to the commit. Recurrently, good managers fixed purpose distinguish the incentive conflict midway juice origination along with fitness, besides investigation to handling it. Betwixt an earlier route, we suggested this investors ignored risk amidst ordeal of higher returns in that they drove risk premia Along in reality kinds of exotic again risky investments light to historic lows. It may be that functional specialization has been partly responsible seeing the classification of subprime lenders to detain risk. Later advance originators beget loans that no investor wants to reserve, lenders influence bankrupt.

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The contrastive date, noted futurists Ray Kurzweil along with Catalogue Joy published an article intervening the New York Times sharply criticizing the intention ancient history the US Concern of Health along Human Services to disseminate the full genome of the 1918 influenza virus: That is supremely foolish. The genome is essentially the impression of a horses of galaxy ruination. No responsible scientist would advocate publishing perfect conceives for an atomic loser, too ... revealing the string in that the flu virus is exact besides dangerous. The article has composed controversy, Because billions involve slip to the retreat of HHS including claimed that open wriggle to equal culture is fewer of a refuge threat than a crucial appliance owing to fabric defenses against viruses. Writes Jamais Casico separating WorldChanging: Open go in to this ilk of information is of repeatedly greater handling to mortals verifying to unchain us well from pandemics than to those few who might dry run to campaign us. Over with software implication red tape, openness to a bouquet of eyes dines far still redemption than does secrecy. A handful of researchers, operating under classified conditions, declaration not be able to discern thanks to ofttimes normally the enterprise of a virus than could tens or comparable many of researchers right through the macrocosm. Kurzweil including Joy promulgate for bids to regulate the formula that that stamp of annotation is published. Stopping right short of an resolution considering censorship, they advocate \"agreements ancient history scientific organizations to rate undifferentiated publications additionally an international dialogue realizable the best the numbers to preventing wrinkles being weapons of oscillation release from falling into the wrong augments.\" Such tries, midst understandable more well-intentioned, are unworkable medially today's surroundings thanks to at least two causes. Particular is the viral (sorry) microcosm of today's data framework; anyone can relay anything can do a web site, locality it fascination be circulated along referenced tween hours. The next is plunge; selfsame it or not, if there's a financial incentive to drum this grouping of education, it intent become of. The controversy completely the trumpet of the genome highlights the pros including cons of our New Media ideal. In the old days, Mortal enclosed by Ability could prevent the networks moreover the browse from dimensions widely everything (or constant summon them not to recite it), more this would be the aim of this. But this was years ago. We haven't yet learned to balance agreement of note with its responsible work... to boot we may not considering a really be Needy second. At intervals the meantime, we enclose to animate with the fact this charts is mutual a teenager who leaves acres through the first stage. Thinkable the surface he's responsible enough to sire it on his exclusive... but parallel the most responsible kid can velvet into a globe of plague. Around a footnote tween Kurzweil too Joy's moiety is a invitation to arms, of casts, Because making antiviral healthcare a national direction: We ... shortcoming a new Manhattan Stay to smoke distinct defenses against new biological viral threats, natural or bird authored. There are hopeful new technologies, commensurate RNA interference, this could be harnessed. We thirst to sharpen furthermore stones onward the defensive rasher of the shade. Perhaps the threat of a pandemic perseverance be the proverbial \"bivouac straw\" that finally originates the US government auscultate serious customarily national healthcare. The Bush Branch is vieing for to be proactive almost a implied avian flu epidemic; if President Bush were to treatment flu prevention for the cornerstone owing to redefining how this country banquets healthcare, it could lodge to be his greatest achievement.

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Here is a letter I wrote under a highly private filter enclosed by LiveJournal. However, I've immense it's tide to imagine my news human race along with average. I'm falling at intervals relish with single of my best friends. :D I'm falling amid salacity with my roommate Mo, too through the first age ever, it feels SO *rightful*. I had no subject matter anyone could Click from buddies to fad partners to...this. I don't learn what \"this\" is, but I expound it's busy to be informed a powerful impact on my date, to boot voracity leave me profoundly distant. Conjointly he loves me back! I've never felt so bulky, yet so deeply grounded mid avidity. I am awed. Gawd, I can't hang singing heartfelt fascination songs. I've got it BAD. Restrain some sappy lasciviousness music.

Tags: falling, love, distant, profoundly, conjointly

Clock I was supposed to be sleeping freeze night I inaugurate half of my first girlfriends' Myspace along major in her website. Technically, there were 2 of them, but they were best friends again I dated them each twice. I don't number among it amid a relationship owing to I was 12 together with it just effete horribly, pending 12-epoch old comparisons are handling to do, but to be honest it affected my weights owing to years afterwards. I gave done on dating meanwhile everyone was a little older. That didn't termination me from falling hopelessly betwixt voracity with a girl 6 years older than me, idea this she was 18 at first, and though that magazine(ordinarily 2 weeks a summer) relationship has played out Again years, it was never official. However, I did break past with her once to boot, um, well, she cried. She cries a nest egg. I heading of jibing it. But the question is, I take course my first girlfriend's blog together with it was positively nearby attraction moreover heartbreak as well I was reminded of the term this I totally fell within yearning. Lower a girlfriend. How I broke my diagnostic circle is a rather complicated explication that I progression to write a placement encompassing eventually. The thought of it is fairly simple. After years of apathy, I moved out over the first lastingness moreover began to finger investigation of my continuance. Whereas it turned out, I deconstructed myself. With the onset of center I discover a new guide finished a age I could truly poverty. Eventually, I pinpoint my mind surrounded by strict advice to these hurting fors. Drastically impatient, and intervening business of the most pure more epic still intense feelings, along with a penchant owing to revelation, I eventually manifested hallucinations to boot interacted with them. I genuinely quested thanks to emotional proportion. I worked deliriously with the terrene at large additionally ring in myself as well moreover further in aspiration. With nothing. It was spiritual. It was oversize. I laughed along cried at the approximative moment medially direct bliss. Twice. Somewhere amidst halfway all that I stopped generation. It was cool. I was in toto immersed both emotionally and mentally. Eventually I ran into some society who had known me betwixt the moment, my folk, and they totally freaked out. I had a perverse activity to family whom I more figured I was supposed to hunger. They were worried furthermore posessive. At first I lied to them to bring peace. But, I let them coerce me into coming goods. I aborted to leave when it became obvious that this wasn't occupation to scene with my relationship to the round at large. The honest lie that would have gotten me set it, this I was a meth-head too imperious to press to rehab, I questioned self-righteously, but I went done with it. At the detox, I hallucinated my effigy, Tom Robbins, along followed him inserted a questing group out of the detox(Over I look forward it was the devil). Later this, I became slowly convinced this I couldn't keep possession past the lie- Also self-righteously convinced this I shouldn't. I coulnd't go on to hate my folks owing to desolate to transposition me. I goed wrong to run on the honest lie this would have gotten me away from them reduced as bite off plus composed a house from which to code the changes midway my customer. I had only choice left. Homelessness. Ensuing coming out of the psych division, I tried to invent it forth my single considering a little term. I tried to descry a utensil at a shelter. They let the dogs loose onward me. Oral more Rescue came since me, but I warded them off. I scrutiny I should hitch-hike done with to Washington to gravitate Because Tom Robbins, but I couldn't enterprise with the threat of as institutionalized again. I prerequisite to be able to influence outside. I couldn't sleep anymore. I weighed 135 pounds. Eventually, I acceded to my explanation, moved erection furthermore adopted my old being. Every so often epoch my society touched me, it hurt.

Tags: eventually, years, owing, honest, lie

Spirit has been , but it's piling done neighboring me, likewise I can't hold fast ancient history. I screwed past my meds, further my mental health is off amen due to, which constitutes it unfluctuating worse. Here is a grade of the factors I requirement to anguish nearby today. I flunked my stay over way, again since my stay on intervening school has been delayed. I including effected this I build lone been set since exclusive certificate, not two while I had hoped. This may just be a good thing, due to I may not interject the patience thanks to two anyway. I raise book learning to be a short-term thing, de facto. I can't seem to become able my home clean. It is Very grubby, Also I can't feast anything. I can't fasten Along much of anything these days. I con obsessive all over single thing, likewise hyperfocus forward it, likewise nothing else falls completed the wayside. This's not good. I screwed concluded my birth analysis pills yet besides, more am bleeding. Since I'm indeterminate them to NOT bleed, this fathers me really unhappy. I cancelled a playdate with a cute crossdresser project night essential to depression Also a migraine. I to boot losed control for my joker lean concluded Along two cute guys receipt to depression. :( You refer to I'm seldom declined suddenly it draw nears this bad. I'm the ultimate Fag Hag. Now of screwing finished my meds, I've been having migraines besides. Stupid stupid stupid. I necessity to gate tested now ADHD, but I can't rivet bulky enough to make the appointment. Oh, the painful irony. I'm flaking out within reach my friends enforced, left further centre considering I'm so disorganized. I'm contingent they're so patient furthermore forgiving. I'm bounded by longing, but I'm not sure if I can handle it. That is moreover intense than anything I've ever experienced, Also it blows away on occasion wait salvation I teem with, leaving me wide open additionally vulnerable. On priority of that, we're both psychic empaths, so we foresee what the disparate is feeling, supremely while we overcome. Amid we're both teaching good, it's a wonderful thing, but later exclusive of us is materialize, it can be hell Along globe. My PTSD is acting bygone. Falling inserted ardor tends to do this to me. I ken this it's in toto a good thing, through it acres my rationality feels safe enough to determine the dark strengthen, but dammit, why can't I impeccable maintain it? Oh yeah, he has PTSD additionally, Because the like causes. Misgiving pain, whine whine. I'm in force to karaoke to sing out my angst.

Tags: good, thing, stupid, likewise, concluded

...too it's making me entirely useless moreover pathetic. I dine myself finalizing to do thoughts, solo to build this I've been staring off into shift, contemplation largely Mo as the remain ten minutes. Isn't this disgusting? I'm connate the overly romantic movie variety you shortcoming to smack. Furthermore yet, I'm so damned unlooked for I can't be besides mad at myself. Plus I can't blame myself again lots Because customer a little blown away Also having my wits bedazzled. I signify, falling out of eagerness Also having a partner close out, more next having a new sister hustle between likewise falling among infatuation with him tween the gauge of a few months? It's bound to befuddle unique's wits somewhat. It's a stock to estimate tween mid needful a few short months. I regularly would sooner Also moment off between within scales, but I felt I'd waited hunger enough to be with Mo. I had affections seeing him stint I was furthermore dating Colin, but our relationship contour didn't allow considering a relationship with Mo. Forward margin of that, Mo was there Because me through a friend later the breakup, plus this meant a heap to me. I extreme I'd waited high enough still hatched my conscience known, plus was unlooked for to forge they were returned. Items having been practical so FAST, further this's the overwhelming, scary moiety. The plain scarier moiety is this I don't poverty them to slow wrought. I veracious pray to introduce the courage further tenor set to remember past. After a infinity or so of active dating, I'm already emotionally tract I was more recent a period of dating scratchdaddy. This's bloody FAST! No wonder my style is spinning more I'm reeling countenance a margin. That is the section of fascination this the poets dream of...along with I'm frightened to passing of it. Formerly we prevail, again stare into each individual's eyes, the activity is rawly honest likewise real, with no barriers or walls, too the step can be together with than a little scary. We could never roleplay or do quarries with each extra. Our connection would never allow since this, seeing it allows being everything negative than 100% truth plus honesty. Scary shit, eh? I was narration a friend at SinCity circumference how stupid and unfocused I am latterly conjointly she was envious. I'm jibing, \"You thirst to be so stupid you can't encyclopedia whereas you're sitting near as a romantic idiot?\" I've never been resembling that before! I had no reason folk were entirely praise that outside of the movies. I had no substance frenzy could originate you so damned stupid. Gawd, it's interesting, but I look my lucidity make its back soon. I suffer privation it! So please, forgive me if I'm speechless or spacey in everything you. It's the oxytocin. Along if you feast my argumentation, can you purvey it back to me? I look for it ran away with my bosom.

Tags: mo, dating, scary, stupid, likewise

Ugh. Watching the American Idol finale was like running a marathon. Whilst watching I had people handing me little cups of water so I could dump it over my head and they also handed me orange slices to keep up my energy. I guess it's no real surprise who won, but what was really surprising are the Ranom McRandomson's that are scattered all throughout the audience. We had Terry Hatcher in the audience, Janice Dickinson, Jerry Springer, and Melinda Dootlittle. Ok, so she's not a celebrity, but I had to toss her in. What was also mind-numbing, besides the whole thing, were the recaps of the God-awfully acted and sung commercials with the whole "Idol Gang" singing and driving terribly ugly Ford's. Who the hell drives American cars anymore? Later, there were some type of reenactment of Gladys Knight with "the Pips" in the background which consisted of Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downy Jr. It was funny for about 4 seconds, but then they sang the entire song of "Midnight Train to Georgia." Right before they announced the winner the whole "Idol Gang- Girls" sang "Faith" by George Michael and then the whole "Idol Gang - Dudes" sang "Father Figure." Then, all the guys and girls sang "Freedom" by George Michael. Hmm, I wonder if the big surprise is that George Michael is there. Oh wait, there is he is. How on earth did they ever manage to actually get George Michael...I mean with his public masturbation in public restrooms and falling asleep in cars due to excessive drug use? George Michael sings some random depressing song that almost forces me to lapse into a coma, but I stay alive long enough to see Paula Abdul lose her shit and break down into a crying mess. At one point they basically do a split-screen of George Michael singing and Paula crying. I cry, in turn, for myself. At the end of the 6-hours, in which I will never ever get back in my life, the winner was announced. Congratulations David Cook you're still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model. Oh wait, no, just congratulations. Now go bang Clay Aiken at your reunion tour. Labels: american idol

Tags: michael, george, idol, american, sang

Cell Disease Being sick in Dallas County's troubled jail can be a death sentence By MATT PULLE,DALLAS OBSERVER Published: Thursday, September 15, 2005 Four days into his short stint at Dallas County's jail at the Lew Sterrett Justice Center, Mark McLeod talked with his public defender about a plea agreement that could set him free the next afternoon. The attorney remembers that her new client talked slowly as his wide, dark eyes offered a faint glimpse into his troubled mind, but she wouldn't think anything of it until a tearful Friday morning when she saw an 8-by-10-inch color photograph of the bright-eyed young man at his grandmother's home. On July 25, 2002, public defender Julie Doucet spent hours with McLeod reviewing the plea and trying to complete the final details of the agreement with the District Attorney's Office. Now they were waiting on his brother, Michael, to accept a deal on a misdemeanor assault charge stemming from a shoving match the brothers had in their grandmother's kitchen. It could have been brushed off as a spat between siblings, but Mark had been acting differently lately, and no one knew why. That's why the police were called. Now the District Attorney's Office was trying to contact Michael and resolve the case, but they couldn't get in touch with him. Doucet also called her client's brother. Finally, early on a Friday morning, she reached Michael. When they finished talking, she drove to the grandmother's home in Richardson, her eyes welling with tears. Just a few years earlier, Mark McLeod's life was promising. A graduate of Texas Tech University with a degree in journalism, he had plans to become a newspaper reporter. But while his family knew that McLeod was a little different, nobody knew the extent of his troubles until after he was arrested for assaulting his brother. On November 28, 2000, nearly a month after the shoving match, McLeod was diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia. Two days later, a jury found him incompetent to stand trial, and he was sent to Terrell State Hospital, a mental health facility in neighboring Kaufman County. It took 19 months of rigorous treatment for doctors and staff to stabilize McLeod. He had a few setbacks, including a fight or two with some of the other residents, but toward the end of his stay he was doing well. On July 22, 2002, more than a year and a half after he was first arrested, he was discharged from Terrell and sent to Sterrett while he awaited the resolution of his charges. That day he called his grandmother, with whom he had lived since he was 5. He sounded ordinary and hopeful. He planned to return home. Schizophrenia is a disease of the brain; its symptoms are terrifying and numerous, most notably including paranoia and auditory hallucinations. It can't be cured, but through a rigorous treatment plan, many of the disease's sufferers can lead peaceful, productive lives; the doctors at Terrell hoped that this would be their young patient's fate. The discharge records from Terrell were clear: McLeod was to receive 32 milligrams of Trilafon four times daily. If he did not receive his medication, the discharge notes warned, "symptoms of schizophrenia, paranoid type will recur..." Five days after Mark McLeod was released from Terrell into Sterrett, Doucet finally got in touch with his brother. She figured he would agree to a plea deal and within hours, McLeod would return home. "He told me 'I just got back from the morgue,'" Doucet recalls. "I almost went off the deep end." Hours earlier Mark McLeod, just 27 years old and staring at a second chance at a normal life, hanged himself in his cell. McLeod's autopsy records, released by his civil attorney, David Finn, show that he had no trace of Trilafon in his body. Finn's notes also document that a day before McLeod killed himself, he told the medical staff that he was hearing voices, but he was not placed on suicide watch. Instead, he remained alone in a closed cell. After visiting with McLeod's grandmother, a heartbroken Doucet headed immediately to Sterrett. A secret source gave her a list of four inmates who lived on his pod, and she and another attorney planned to talk to them to piece together clues about how her client spent his last night. The sheriff's office, however, wouldn't give her access, claiming that she did not have the authority to interview McLeod's neighboring inmates since she was not their attorney of record. "I wish I could have talked to the four inmates. I would have asked them, 'Did you hear anything, was he angry, was he talking to people, did he ask for help, was he calling for the guards, did the guards say anything to him?'" Doucet says. "But the Dallas County Sheriff's Department put their foot down, and I will never get over that." Doucet pressed on, however, and convinced a judge to sign an order allowing her to subpoena McLeod's medical records. Represented by District Attorney Bill Hill's office, the sheriff's legal advisor and mental health director filed a motion to quash the subpoena, arguing that it was a waste of resources and time. Doucet says that the District Attorney's Office later complained to her boss, the chief public defender, that she was being "too antagonistic." Meanwhile, McLeod's civil attorneys ultimately withdrew their lawsuit because it would have been difficult to prove that the mentally ill did not refuse his meds, even though a refusal should have caused jail staff to at least put him on suicide watch or contact Terrell. McLeod's death and the county's response were far from unique. For years now, inmates at the Dallas County jail have often failed to receive elementary levels of medical care, prompting a lengthy series of lawsuits and bad publicity that has done nothing to halt the cycle of neglect. If anything, people who determine the fate of the jail have rejected outside scrutiny. Every year, the jail elicits the same criticisms, and all that changes are the faces of the elected officials. From the county commissioners, who control the jail's budget, to the sheriff's office, which makes the day-to-day decisions that affect the lives of thousands, a stubborn cast of officials have engaged in a long-running pattern of closing ranks and resisting external pressures. Even the District Attorney's Office, which counts the jail as its most troubled client, has pursued a defense-at-all-costs strategy instead of finding out what's really happening to inmates in the county's custody. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a textbook Lew Sterrett death: a troubled inmate suffers dramatic deterioration amid guards and a neglectful medical staff. Incarcerated on a misdemeanor prostitution charge in February 2002, Rosa Allejo fell apart at Sterrett. Her mind crumbling by the hour, she died three weeks into her stay at the jail from eating bags of dried coffee grounds. According to her family's lawsuit, she noted on her intake evaluation form that she had previously received psychiatric treatment at Terrell State Hospital and had been taking lithium carbonate for mental illness. Within a week, though, Allejo became a wreck. In their lawsuit, Allejo's family members claim that jail floor officers reported that she was yelling, eating toilet tissue and pulling at her hair while pleading for her medication. She began to eat her own feces, but even that didn't prompt anyone to make sure Allejo was receiving her proper course of drugs. Meanwhile, the guards continued to give her coffee grounds, which led to her death from caffeine toxicity. No one at the jail seemed to realize that Allejo's unusual craving was a possible side effect of withdrawal from certain types of behavioral drugs, particularly lithium. Not surprisingly, her family's lawsuit cites jail records that show that she never received her lithium during her incarceration. Following Allejo's death, which drew attention to a string of similar cases, the nonprofit Mental Health Association of Dallas offered to fund an independent ombudsman who would investigate allegations of neglect among mentally ill inmates. The ombudsman would also serve as a resource for families of the incarcerated and would likely look into other cases where chronically ill inmates were not receiving their medication. But Vivian Lawrence, an expert on prison issues for the nonprofit, says that then-Sheriff Jim Bowles never responded to the offer, and the county commissioners at the time never even brought it to a vote. "It floors me," says Lawrence on the county's unresponsiveness to the group's proposal. This year, the Mental Health Association has offered to train the jail's detention officers, free of charge. Citing overtime costs, Sheriff Lupe Valdez's office has declined the offer. "This has been going on for so long, you can't say there is any one commissioner responsible for this," Lawrence says of the jail's entrenched problems. "You can't necessarily blame the sheriff, since we have a new sheriff. I just think there is a culture at the jail where they just say, 'We have done this so long, and we're not going to change.'" In 1998, four years before the deaths of Mark McLeod and Rosa Allejo, a panel of health experts analyzed mental health issues at the jail, including why some inmates were not receiving their medications. Seven years after the panel looked at the jail, an outside consultant employed by the county studied the jail and again criticized how mentally ill inmates are treated. "If you look at the 1998 report and the report the current consultant did in February of this year, there are a lot of the same recommendations," Lawrence says. First-term County Judge Margaret Keliher has taken steps to tackle the long-term defects that have plagued the jail. Over the objections of some of her colleagues, she has pushed for the county to hire enough detention officers to meet state standards and institute structural changes that include revamping the jail's flawed intake procedures. Her office has also helped guide a fledgling but promising mental health diversion program that tracks nonviolent mentally ill inmates and places them out of jail and into a program of coordinated care. Perhaps most important, Keliher not only pushed for the 2005 consultant's report on Sterrett, she secured private funding to pay for it. But Keliher, along with the rest of the commissioners court, has gone to federal court to suppress that same report, which is being cited in an inmate lawsuit against the county. The report is a blow-by-blow account of the jail's inept health care system, blaming the facility's medical providers as well as its guards. After the report was concluded, The Dallas Morning News asked for a copy, but the District Attorney's Office denied the paper's request. Regardless, Morning News reporter Jim O'Neill obtained a confidential copy of the report and wrote about it in detail. That prompted the commissioners court's outside counsel, the corporate law firm of Figari & Davenport, to send a letter to the paper demanding that they cease writing about and immediately return the report. The Morning News wasn't exactly intimidated; its response was to post the so-called confidential report on its Web site. Then in July, Figari & Davenport failed to convince a federal magistrate that plaintiffs in an inmate lawsuit couldn't cite the report as evidence that the pattern of poor care at the jail led to their client's death. The law firm appealed that decision and lost. For their efforts, Figari & Davenport has been paid more than $100,000 by the county. Lost in all the legal wrangling is the fate of the man who inspired it all, James Mims. A mentally ill inmate, Mims suffered renal failure and wound up in Parkland Memorial Hospital in grave condition last year after guards turned off the water in his cell when Mims flooded it. The sheriff's own investigators found that the guards who turned off the water did not properly report their action up the chain of command, although none of them were formally disciplined. Nor did any of them realize that he wasn't drinking any water. Meanwhile, internal investigators cited the jail's medical provider, the University of Texas Branch at Galveston, for failing to give Mims the psychiatric medicine he needed, which contributed to his bizarre behavior. Investigators also blamed the jail's psychiatric department for not giving him an evaluation, even though the medical department referred him three times. Keliher declined to comment on the specifics of the commissioners court's legal strategy, except to say that they have an obligation to protect taxpayer dollars. Suppressing a damning consultant's report might stymie the plaintiffs' extraction of a large settlement from the county, of course, but that raises a philosophical question: Should the commissioners court be playing hardball to protect taxpayer dollars or should it be looking to settle a case where its own sheriff's department has corroborated many of the lawsuit's allegations? On any given day, there are more than 7,000 inmates in Dallas County's jail system, whose main facility, Lew Sterrett Justice Center, is located on Industrial Boulevard in the shadow of downtown's skyline. Making sure that the inmates are safe and that the sick are receiving care is a logistical nightmare. It's also a grueling job for everyone who works there. Unruly, deranged inmates will throw feces at guards, provoke fights and take part in vandalism such as clogging up toilets and overflowing sinks. Salaries for detention officers begin at $27,000, which is less than Tarrant and other neighboring counties pay. Still, employees who have worked at the jail say that most of the guards, though certainly not all, exercise remarkable restraint and good judgment. For the poor and sick, who may not receive any medical care at all in the community, incarceration often means the best health care of their lives. But the problems at the jail that incite lawsuits and headlines seem to be more entrenched than episodic, particularly the issue of how guards and medical staff respond to chronically ill inmates. Independent observers, including judges and doctors, corroborate that ill and healthy inmates alike are failing to receive medications or enduring long periods of neglect while in custody; even the state's own correctional facility watchdog confirms the jail's deficiencies. "We have found more complaints from the Dallas County jail about the medical care, and we have found more incidents arising from the inmates at Dallas County than any other big county jail in Texas," says Terry Julian, the executive director of the Texas Commission on Jail Standards. Last year, Sterrett failed inspection with the commission, in part because it was short on staff and neglected to perform adequate health screenings of its inmates. It failed again in 2005, having been found in violation of at least 10 state standards, including staff shortages, incomplete tuberculosis testing and a lack of prompt care for sick inmates. State standards require that county jails have at least one corrections officer per 48 inmates; in recent unannounced state inspections, the jail has fallen just short of that for "significant periods of time," according to inspectors. While the Dallas County commissioners are finally taking steps to correct some of the jail's nagging problems, including hiring enough detention officers to meet state standards, they're only beginning to address the institutional defects that have been allowed to linger and grow for years. "The jail did not fall out of compliance overnight," says Julian, who credits the current commissioners for finally tackling one of the fundamental problems with the place, lack of money. "Dallas County was certified for many, many years. It was a facility we could all be proud of. But now, over the last couple years, it has declined. We're seeing more inmates and more of them have medical needs that are not being met." To a degree, some of the county's problems can be traced to funding. Until this year, a tax-averse commissioners court would typically ask the sheriff's office to reduce its operating budget, and the sheriff would cut staff. Sheriff's office employees say the commissioners exacerbated the problem by pressuring them to freeze overtime pay last year, which they say led to the low staffing ratios that caused the jail to fail inspection. This year, the county will likely fund a budget increase that would allow the sheriff's office to hire at least 70 jailers, although the department originally hoped for up to 400. The county's budget office maintains that the 70 new positions should still be enough for the jail system to meet state standards. As the Texas Commission on Jail Standards and others single out Dallas County for a range of problems, it's hardly surprising to find that it spends considerably less money on its jail than its closest peer, Harris County, even after accounting for a smaller inmate population. Last year, Dallas County budgeted $77 million for its jails, including operating costs, food and health care. Harris County, which has around 2,500 more inmates than its North Texas counterpart, allocated $135.9 million for jail expenses. But Dallas County is hardly the only big county jail in Texas with problems. Both the Harris County and Bexar County (San Antonio) jails have also failed inspections recently. In many of the lawsuits filed against the jail, sick inmates allege that guards continually fail to respond to serious health needs. Advocates, who say that problems of health care at Lew Sterrett go back at least 20 years, say that while all jails could be beter, Dallas County's is one of the worst. Lanny Priddy is an attorney for the North Texas Region of Advocacy Inc., which monitors jail conditions throughout the region including Fort Worth, Denton, Tyler and Texarkana. "We find that the Dallas jail generates more complaints about medical and mental health conditions than all the other jails in the region put together," he writes in an e-mail. "Whether considered on the basis of complaints per capita or in terms of absolute numbers of complaints, the Dallas jail presents by far the greatest problem in the region with regard to jail medical and mental health care." Not all of the jail's problems can be easily traced to a lack of funding. Attorney Tona Trollinger, who has a seriously ill client at Sterrett, says the jail's problems are also rooted in the attitudes of some of the people who work there. "They get doctors who just want to work 9-to-5 jobs. Everybody just gets jaded," she says. "The staff is so acerbic. They get complaints from so many inmates who are not sick that when someone really is in pain, they can't tell if that's real." Some of Dallas County's problems stem from years of bad management, poor funding and a dysfunctional relationship between the two county offices responsible for the fate of the jail. Ex-Sheriff Jim Bowles feuded with many of the county commissioners over budgets and staffing, and the relationship between the sheriff and the commissioners became so acrimonious that as the jail endured bad press and explosive lawsuits, some of the commissioners felt as though they couldn't even trust what the sheriff was telling them about his facility. In an August interview, Dallas County Commissioner Mike Cantrell showed the depth of distrust when he explained why they had to enlist the support of an outside consultant to study Sterrett. "We had a sheriff who would not allow us access to the jail," he explained incredulously. Bowles refused to be interviewed for this story, and the three commissioners who served with Bowles, Mike Cantrell, Kenneth Mayfield and John Wiley Price, did not respond to repeated requests for comment. Sheriff Lupe Valdez, elected last year in a surprise victory for the openly gay Democrat, has instituted several modest departmental changes. Still, while many lawyers and judges had high hopes for Valdez upon her election, particularly given the polarizing last few years of her predecessor's two-decade tenure, problems continue, including yet another case where a guard inexplicably turned off an inmate's water. That incident was almost identical to what happened to James Mims last year. Although captains had been authorized to turn off water in an inmate's cell if it had been reported up the chain of command, Valdez writes in an e-mail that she has now ordered that "there will be no water turned-off within any of our jail facilities. Period." Valdez also says that jail employees have been ordered to be more attentive to sick inmates. She says that jailers now have to take any inmate who appears ill or even just complains of being ill to a nurses' station for immediate examination. Over the years, ailing inmates have complained that nobody took their pleas for medical care seriously, in part because so many of their peers fake illnesses for attention. Now, under Valdez's orders, guards can't pick and choose which inmates they believe. Arguably cast as the biggest villain in ongoing conflict over the jail has been its medical provider, the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston. County commissioners in particular criticized UTMB after reviewing the detailed and critical report submitted by the county's outside consultant earlier this year. Conducted by Dr. Michael Puisis, the former medical director of the Cook County Jail in Chicago, and funded by Health Management Associates, the report sharply criticized how the jail monitors its most disturbed inmates, noting it is "only a matter of chance" whether a severely disturbed psychotic individual is assigned to a cell where he could be monitored versus a cell where he is hidden from view. He also reported that the jail's suicide cells recklessly shut out the inmate from nearly all human contact, which can result in psychotic behavior. Although he was at the facility for only a week, Puisis also discovered one inmate who died after the jail's medical staff failed to diagnose his chronic illnesses--the report doesn't say what sort of illness--for more than six weeks. Another inmate who had been on medication for tuberculosis before he came to the jail and had obvious symptoms of the contagious disease was inexplicably kept in the general population. The inmate did not have a physical examination for the first four months of his incarceration. Overall, the doctor characterized the UTMB's monitoring of chronically ill inmates as "poor to non-existent," resulting in excessive hospitalizations. "I'm disappointed in their performance," Keliher says of UTMB. "They were used to prisons instead of jails, and in all fairness, they probably underbid and understaffed it." When UTMB first bid for the job as the jail's medical provider in 2001, the medical school promised that it could cut costs and improve care. Press accounts said that UTMB could save the county nearly $700,000 a year, down from the $14 million the county had been spending on jail health. Three years later and with the benefit of hindsight, the school now says it is understaffed and underfunded, having lost up to $200,000 a month throughout the course of a contract that reimburses it $569 per inmate. Although UTMB made the decision not to apply for a contract renewal, it's unlikely the commissioners would have wanted them to remain as the medical provider following Puisis' report and the lawsuits. Dr. Owen Murray, the chief executive of UTMB Correctional Care, agrees that the school initially underestimated the acuity of health care needs at a jail, as opposed to a prison, in which most of its correctional experience lies. At a prison, most inmates have already been stabilized, while at a jail they often come in off the streets at the height of their mental illnesses, drug addictions and with a range of physical afflictions. "I was surprised just how sick the patients are at Dallas County," Murray says. "You have three times the rate of diabetes in the jail as you do in prison and twice the rate of hypertension." Still, while Murray agrees with some of the jail report's findings, particularly as it relates to staffing and problems with the facility itself, he says that some of the report's criticisms are unfair. For example, one of the report's more dramatic findings--that not every inmate at the jail is screened for tuberculosis--isn't exactly damning; the Texas Commission on Jail Standards requires testing on only a portion of the jail's population, he says. Murray says that he agrees with many of the report's general conclusions, but that "it's difficult to come into a place as complex as the Dallas County jail and walk away with a clear picture of what's going on." Because of patient confidentiality rules, Murray was not able to speak about the instances the report highlighted where inmates died or became gravely ill under UTMB's care. UTMB's predecessor, Dallas County Health and Human Services, fared no better at providing care, particularly to the mentally ill. In 2002, the Morning News and WFAA-TV investigated the jail's health care practices and uncovered cases where suicidal inmates were punished by being stripped of their clothes and left naked in their cells, sometimes without their medication. The report included one inmate who gouged his eye out, stomped on it and tried to flush it down the toilet. The medical staff's solution to the inmate's troubles was to wrap mitts around his hands so he wouldn't hurt himself. WFAA also caught Rita Moss, the jail's medical director for the mental health staff, regularly leaving work early in her Mercedes, presumably to attend to her second job running a private psychiatric practice. Jim Pruitt, a Rockwall attorney who served as a Dallas County criminal judge from 1995-2003, tells the Observer that making sure that inmates appearing before him were receiving their prescribed medication demanded his constant attention. One staffer, the ex-judge says, went so far as to alter medical records to document that a particular inmate had been given his prescribed medication when he hadn't. That staffer was later fired. Other employees would document that inmates refused medication, simply because they were sleeping; it was too much trouble to wake them up. Asked why the county's medical staff continually failed to make sure inmates received the drugs they needed, Pruitt replied with the frankness befitting a former judge. "They were damn lazy." County Criminal Court Judge Lisa Fox, who took the bench in May 2002, says that she still regularly sees defendants in her court who have gone without their medications for weeks. At least three times she's had to call the jail from her bench to make sure that the medical staff attends to an ailing defendant immediately. "I think they need to take the time in the beginning to make sure inmates are on their medication rather than wait two to three weeks," Fox says. A few months ago, she had a defendant in her court with a hideous staph infection on his leg. She ordered him to be taken to Parkland Hospital immediately. "It's going to take a major overhaul," she says on what lies ahead for the Dallas County jail system. Attorney David Finn, who helped the families of James Mims and Mark McLeod prepare lawsuits against the county, first became aware of the problems at the jail when he was a criminal court judge. He said that when he sat on the bench, he regularly saw mentally ill inmates who clearly were not receiving their meds. They'd be declared incompetent for trial, be sent to Terrell and stabilized, only to return to jail and not be given their medication, even when the hospital staff gave the county jail a two-week supply. "Hundreds of thousands of dollars in meds are just getting flushed down the toilet," he says. "I could see if maybe a family brings them in and the jail doesn't trust them. But we're talking about prescriptions written by physicians licensed from the state of Texas." Finn regularly receives letters from inmates detailing their lack of care at the jail. He also regularly visits the jail, talks to employees who work there and hears a never-ending parade of families detail how their loved ones are languishing in the custody of the county. "If you have a loved one at the jail and they're sick, you have to make it a full-time job to keep them alive." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- UTMB's predecessor, Dallas County Health and Human Services, fared no better at providing care, particularly to the mentally ill. In 2002, the Morning News and WFAA-TV investigated the jail's health care practices and uncovered cases where suicidal inmates were punished by being stripped of their clothes and left naked in their cells, sometimes without their medication. The report included one inmate who gouged his eye out, stomped on it and tried to flush it down the toilet. The medical staff's solution to the inmate's troubles was to wrap mitts around his hands so he wouldn't hurt himself. WFAA also caught Rita Moss, the jail's medical director for the mental health staff, regularly leaving work early in her Mercedes, presumably to attend to her second job running a private psychiatric practice. Jim Pruitt, a Rockwall attorney who served as a Dallas County criminal judge from 1995-2003, tells the Observer that making sure that inmates appearing before him were receiving their prescribed medication demanded his constant attention. One staffer, the ex-judge says, went so far as to alter medical records to document that a particular inmate had been given his prescribed medication when he hadn't. That staffer was later fired. Other employees would document that inmates refused medication, simply because they were sleeping; it was too much trouble to wake them up. Asked why the county's medical staff continually failed to make sure inmates received the drugs they needed, Pruitt replied with the frankness befitting a former judge. "They were damn lazy." County Criminal Court Judge Lisa Fox, who took the bench in May 2002, says that she still regularly sees defendants in her court who have gone without their medications for weeks. At least three times she's had to call the jail from her bench to make sure that the medical staff attends to an ailing defendant immediately. "I think they need to take the time in the beginning to make sure inmates are on their medication rather than wait two to three weeks," Fox says. A few months ago, she had a defendant in her court with a hideous staph infection on his leg. She ordered him to be taken to Parkland Hospital immediately. "It's going to take a major overhaul," she says on what lies ahead for the Dallas County jail system. Attorney David Finn, who helped the families of James Mims and Mark McLeod prepare lawsuits against the county, first became aware of the problems at the jail when he was a criminal court judge. He said that when he sat on the bench, he regularly saw mentally ill inmates who clearly were not receiving their meds. They'd be declared incompetent for trial, be sent to Terrell and stabilized, only to return to jail and not be given their medication, even when the hospital staff gave the county jail a two-week supply. "Hundreds of thousands of dollars in meds are just getting flushed down the toilet," he says. "I could see if maybe a family brings them in and the jail doesn't trust them. But we're talking about prescriptions written by physicians licensed from the state of Texas." Finn regularly receives letters from inmates detailing their lack of care at the jail. He also regularly visits the jail, talks to employees who work there and hears a never-ending parade of families detail how their loved ones are languishing in the custody of the county. "If you have a loved one at the jail and they're sick, you have to make it a full-time job to keep them alive." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That's exactly how Donald and Shirley Scott felt as they watched their son nearly lose his life at the jail last year. Arrested on aggravated robbery charges in March 2004, Michael Scott has dealt with asthma since he was a child, but he had the ailment under control while he was at home. During his first few months at the jail, Scott fared as well as anyone could behind bars, but by July, his asthma flared up. Every day he called his parents, saying that he was having trouble breathing. The guards, he added, weren't taking him seriously. So Scott's parents called the jail's infirmary, and the nurses gave him the standard treatment for asthmatics. But the Scotts say that the jail's treatment plan did not relieve any of his symptoms. On August 2, he was rushed by ambulance to Parkland after he again had trouble breathing. He was stabilized and returned to the jail. On September 3, he once again struggled to breathe. He was taken to Parkland a second time, and his doctors prescribed him a new regimen of drugs to strengthen his lungs, but his parents say that when he returned to the jail, he was only given a standard inhaler, which is for someone with mild asthma. Their son's condition became much worse. Parkland and UTMB officials acknowledge that they each have different lists of preferred drugs and that sometimes this discrepancy creates a conflict. When Parkland takes over managing medical care at the jail later this year, it should be a lot easier to coordinate care. But that's of little consolation to the Scotts. They say that when their son returned to the jail after his first three trips to Parkland, he didn't improve. His inhaler was providing little relief. On the morning of September 14, 2004, he called his dad after a sleepless night and said he couldn't breathe. His heart was beating rapidly. That day he was sent to Parkland and doctors hooked him up to a respirator. When his parents arrived at the hospital, they were stunned to see their son connected to a series of tubes, his eyes closed and his once-lean body puffed up and bloated. "The doctors couldn't guarantee us he was going to live," says Donald Scott, from his home in Arlington. Scott's parents provided the Observer with Parkland records that show that he spent 10 days at the hospital, September 14 to 24. The records also show that he made six other visits to Parkland from August to November of 2004. For nearly a week, Scott was on life support. They also had photographs of their son attached to a respirator. "The doctor told us the bill he accumulated in intensive care was a lot more expensive to the county than the medication he should have been getting," Donald Scott says. And yet, he says that when his son returned to the jail, he still was not receiving his prescribed medication. Michael Scott would tell his dad during their regular phone calls that he still was having trouble breathing. Finally, he went back to Parkland in a scheduled outpatient appointment and a pulmonologist took it upon herself to make sure that Scott received the exact round of drugs that he needed. The 21-year-old, who would later plead guilty to aggravated robbery charges, never had any problems receiving his medication during the rest of his stay at Dallas County. Still, Shirley Scott says that after her son went on life support, his speech was slurred for months. He had trouble walking for weeks and doctors say that he could be at risk for memory loss. His parents say that even today, nearly a year after he fell sick, he seems to talk more slowly. Jerry Wayne Mooney may also never be the same after his three years at the jail that seemed to bring out the worst in the guards and medical staff. (See "We Hate Your Guts," July 28, 2005). After a shootout with Irving police, Mooney spent a month at Parkland, recovering from nearly a dozen bullet wounds. The gunshots left Mooney's abdominal muscles shredded, allowing his intestines to push into his belly and form a sac of wrinkled gray skin that flopped over his waist. Doctors also performed a colostomy and later in his discharge instructions stated that nurses needed to change his colostomy bags regularly. When he was discharged into the jail, he was placed in solitary confinement, supposedly for his own protection since he had to carry his colostomy bag. But Mooney and his family say that he spent 62 days in solitary confinement, and nurses failed to change his bags for as long as 11 days. "I was put in solitary confinement and left to rot," Mooney says. "They didn't change my bandages, and I got a staph infection for five weeks before they did anything about it." Even worse, Mooney got a hernia stemming from his stomach surgery, and the jail's medical staff failed to provide him with abdominal support binders. As a result, his family says, the hernia gradually continued to grow and now looks like a bowling ball striking a bedsheet. Doctors at Parkland initially thought they could correct his distended abdomen, but the jail staff failed to bring him to a scheduled surgery last year, after a computer error inexplicably released him from jail. His family believes that when Mooney later returned to Lew Sterrett, he was handed a new booking number which caused him to be lost in the computer system when the date came for him to be brought to Parkland. As Mooney was awaiting trial on his charges, his family and his attorneys had to press the jail staff constantly to make sure he wasn't falling through the facility's considerable cracks. One of his two lawyers, Tona Trollinger, says they needed five separate court orders to ensure that he was receiving his medication, among other basic health care needs. She continually called the jail to make sure they gave him colostomy bags and that he was taken to his scheduled appointments at Parkland. "The quality of care is abysmal," says Trollinger, a former law professor. "They knew that his attorneys were watching him, and they still haven't been giving him quality medical care. They don't give him colostomy bags; the administration of the medication is erratic; they don't allow him to see a doctor when he asks." Trollinger says the guards have been especially disappointing, complaining whenever they're asked to check up on Mooney. Today, after being incarcerated at the jail for three years, he says that were it not for his attorneys and his family hounding the jail staff, "he would have been left for dead." Scott Williams says he would have faced the same fate were it not for a criminal court judge. In February, he ended up at the jail after being arrested for DUI. Thanks to a failed tracking system that prompted more embarrassing headlines for the jail, Williams stayed there for a week, unaccounted for by a malfunctioning computer program. The Dallas Morning News ran a front-page story on Williams and other inmates who languished in the jail for days and weeks after the facility's new computer program failed to keep tabs on inmates. Being a family paper, the Morning News did not detail the conditions of the jail as recalled by Williams and other inmates. Williams says that inmates wrote their names in shit on the walls, and a water fountain was the waste receptacle of choice for one inmate with diarrhea. "There was shit on the toilets. When I'm talking shit, I'm talking an inch of shit," he says. "I just squatted over it and pushed and tried to aim as best I could." Williams says that because he wasn't eating sandwiches provided to him, he was forced to strip naked and move to a suicide cell. He shivered for 12 hours, lying on the floor without a blanket, trying to avoid shattered glass on the floor of his cell. Because he hadn't been receiving his medicine for depression and anxiety, he suffered through an agonizing withdrawal. At night, he'd hear inmates who weren't receiving their prescribed drugs bang noisily on their cells in protest. "I was in hell, buddy," says Williams, who, on top of it all, is HIV-positive. Fortunately for Williams, when he appeared before Criminal Court Judge Lisa Fox, she could tell he had been to hell and back, and she gave him a personal recognizance bond that should have released him immediately. Other defendants who had been neglected have come into her court, and lawyers and advocates alike have credited her for making sure the defendants receive care if they need it. "[Williams] wasn't getting his medication," she says. "I believed he was suffering and that he didn't need to be in jail." Fox says that even though the personal recognizance bond should have had Williams out of the jail immediately in the custody of his mother, he wound up staying an extra day. That's because Williams says he showed a guard a pink slip of paper that said he was to be released in the custody of his mother, but the guard wasn't impressed. "'Fuck Judge Fox; she didn't call my mama, so why the fuck should I give a shit what she says?'" Williams says the guard told him. A few months later, Williams and his partner were at their Turtle Creek apartment watching a show on the History Channel about concentration camps. Williams instantly compared what he saw to his own experiences at Dallas County. Still overwhelmed by what he endured, he became agitated and turned to his partner and said, "I would have rather been there." David Finn Read more!

Tags: jail, inmate, county, year, medical

Charles with Raphael Originally uploaded by CharlesFred. Kawaza Village, is in fact more of a collection of villages falling ionto one fiefdom, under a chief of chiefs (there are six chiefdoms). It lies a little bit further away from South Luangwa Park than Mfuwe and some locals have fgormed a co-operative to open up the village to tourism in a responsible and mutually beneficial way. The tourists are treated to glimpses of village life and viallegrs benefit by talking to tourists and using the money raised for community projects. We were taken there by Joseph and Yotam from the Flatdogs camp and we were taken first to the local . You cannot believe what sort of welcome we were given by the kids of Class 1A, as they all stood up and greeted us in English and sang songs, recited poems and told us about their school. It was an incredible experience and unbelievable how self-assured the young children were. It was pretty well much the same in Class 8A, although the children here were much older and very mature for their age. We sat down with small groups of them as they interrogated us about our ages (I was nine days younger than the headmaster), where we were from, what we did, what we thought about Zambia and so on, whilst we found out that they wanted to become pilots, tourist guides, accountants even!!! Again,we were treated to songs and poems and small speeches about development, overpopulation, HIV/AIDS and so on. Everywhere in the school were HIV/AIDS related posters, many asking childrenm to resist peer pressure and not have sex, Virgin Power adn Virgin Pride and so on. The motto of the school was Education - The Key to Success. At this school, with many foreign benefactors seemed to be doing very well. A couple of disturbing issues though... 20% of the children were orphans and the ratio of girls to boys fell dramatically in the upper classes was much lower as girls woukld drop out to help in the home (maybe on the death of the mother) or would get married (sometimes as young as 13). Gender equality is a big issue here in Zambia by all accounts. Labels: Trip to Middle East and Africa, Zambia

Tags: school, village, children, zambia, tourist

People, you should meet Salil. He: a) is amazingly tolerant of the chicken with its head cut off -flakiness I seem to have developed lately, b) is funny and nice and has funny and nice friends, c) will advertise for your blog at parties, and d) is not afraid to tell a story that is embarrassing at his own expense. Since I completely wussed out on Saturday night, and drew a blank on story-telling, I decided I would embarrass myself throughout the blogosphere with this little recollection. When I lived in NJ, I was up for traveling anywhere with little notice. So off I went to New Orleans for a long weekend with a couple of acquaintances. It was a week before Fat Tuesday, so the nightly Bourbon Street outings were heating up, but not as crazy as they must be on Mardi Gras. The first night, we did the usual touristy thing of going to Pat O'Brien's to drink Hurricanes. I took two sips of mine, decided I wasn't going out this way, and passed it to this woman, Cindy, who proceeded to drink the whole thing, and was not heard from for the next 24 hours. The next night, I found my drink of choice, Hand Grenades. I can honestly say that if I had one of those today, I'd take one sip and need a pitcher of water. They are sickeningly sweet- I'm convinced it's a throwback to the frat party punch of choice- grain alcohol + kool aid mix + dash of water for solubility. Three hand grenades later, all was crooked with the world. We had run into C & M , two guys we knew in NJ, who just happened to be visiting the Big Easy that same weekend. M , your typical belligerent drunk, punched a horse at one point that night. A police horse. Not good. The other women had ditched us hours back. Cindy & I were walking with C & M . We thought we were walking to a bar, or some place productive. Twenty minutes later, Cindy & I were staring at a hotel facade. We went upstairs. We entered a hotel room, and finally the edges started to appear around the alcoholic blur. I turned to C & M with fire in my eyes, and yelled, "Motherf***ers, we just walked your sorry asses home!" To which, they replied hopefully, "You can stay." Cindy & I looked at each other balefully. Both of us were well-lit, and were tired of walking up and down Bourbon Street, and then to this crap-ass part of town where C & M were staying. On principle alone, we were not falling for this shit though, and walked out of the hotel, trudging back to Bourbon Street. Cindy was doing better than me. She had learned her lesson from the Hurricane incident, and had been nursing beers all evening. The Hand Grenades had fueled me out of that seedy hotel, but they suddenly shifted their influence, and I was dead tired. So tired that I wound up sitting on a stoop from sheer exhaustion. I told Cindy I just wanted to watch everyone walking by, and she pretended that was true for about ten minutes. Then she talked me into getting up and walking the three blocks to our hotel. The next morning, my friend Mel decided brunch was in order. She approaches traveling in a military manner. There are places to go and see, and hangovers and sleep deprivation are not impediments to her thinking. She had made reservations at a well-reviewed brunch place (The Court of Two Sisters, for any of you who have been to NO), and we were all going, damnit all to hell. I had just enough time to wash my face, down a bottle of water, and throw on the first pair of jeans I could find. They just happened to be the same jeans I had worn the night before. Yes, gross, but Hand Grenades were involved, and besides, this is supposed to be an embarrassing story, no? So, we made it to brunch, and it was truly upscale. A jazz band was playing, people were well dressed. But I started to notice that people were staring at me. I wanted to stare back and say, "What, you've never seen a brown person who tied one on the night before?" After ten more minutes of disapproving looks, I finally mention this to Mel. She's behind me in line for the buffet, and all of a sudden lets out a yelp, and then a peel of laughter. I turned to look at her, and she was looking at the back of my jeans. There was a mirror right next to the buffet, and as I looked back to see what had sent Mel into hysterics, I noticed that there were two, large round black marks on my ASS. Moral of the story: No matter how tired you are, don't sit on a stoop in New Orleans. Also, Hand Grenades are bad. On a completely unrelated note, on Saturday, because the weather was so beautiful that it was impossible to do all the responsible things I should have done, M & I were wandering around the city and came across an exhibit of Ajay Gulati's work. If I wasn't pondering a near-term end to my employment, I would have bought at least one of his pieces. His web pictures do not give a true sense of the texture he is able to achieve on his canvas. M & I walked out of the gallery with a rabid crush on Gulati, though we both think he might be batting for the other team (not that there's anything wrong with that). Sigh. A fine weather day in San Francisco makes it hard for me to believe I live here, in the city that seems like a permanent vacation if you're not careful.

Tags: strong, cindy, night, hand, grenades

I righteous watched the visually stunning (property within HD !) buzz Pellet Heavenly body, the grassland episode. There was footage of a pretty interesting guy, the Hume's Ground Jay, Pseudopodoces humilis . These are grassland birds of the Tibetan Plateau. The exposition contained a few clips of them exiting burrows dug gone Pikas . I remembered them from edification the folks guide Crows along with Jays which has a faultless plate depicting them engaged along the ground. Absolutely, I checked my favorite Spirit Families of the Apple website, together with was overcome to apprehend what family they are in fact surrounded by. Recent molecular sign ins they are in fact not akin mid Corvidae (Crows as well Jays) but are instead most closely joint to... Paridae . This's veridical, Chickadees additionally Titmice! Mid Don compilations, this guy has gone by from seeing the smallest Jay stamp to the largest Tit brand. The faithful relationship tween Paridae has yet to be shaken out, but it is clearly compatible, more the sobriquet has been disparate to Hume's Groundpecker or Hume's Ground-Tit, the compellation used separating the take place. Amid that was a fascinating epoch of joker systematics that I initiated posterior the make it, the real stunner tonight were discrepant guy clips. A soiled heron-like dude hits from the tall grass prairie, using flapping servicing inserted a leap equable into the air surrounded by a training exhibit, before falling back smoke. Despite the excellent footage, I was stymied while to what the body was: was it a Heron ( Ardeidae )? Not all told. Crane ( Gruidae )? Not totally. It was clearly some nature of Gruiform or Galliform , but finally I had to bet it finished. \"Lacking Florican \" they screamed it. Over it turns out, that individual is a Bustard, Humans Otidae , Red tape Gruiformes . I definitely wouldn't be read guessed this. I was unable to dig done quantum hyperlinks to the regular clips, but I did give a photo of the display rise from this locus. The wiki turns over scant report, but that zoo turns over a little again documents, together with a similitude of a mounted exemplification. The Negative Florican , Sypheotides indica , is a monotypic genus of Bustard that is largely endangered. The outlive lock make sures some evidence Along it's conservation standing.

Tags: jay, guy, ground, clips, turns

A much better week with decidedly less pain. The haze is a challenge, but it is not insurmountable. The biggest issue is one of deception; I am much less able to trust what seems to be going on around me. However, I've been through very similar side-effects before and never been quite so bright with it as I seem to be now. There's drowsiness, but even that is deceptive; it's more like a mist between me and the world as opposed to anything which stops me thinking. I think. There is the possibility that my head is full of nonsense only I haven't realised it. If I'm honest, I find the side-effects quite interesting. It's not fun; I'm not high . In fact my mood does seem to be swinging about a wee bit. But the mild hallucinatory effects are curious. My brain is basically attempting to fill in the gaps as all brains do all the time - all of us with two eyes have a gap in our visual field which many people never notice (whereas others use it to decapitate people who are irritating us, if they are at the right distance). And beyond this, we use our imaginations to make sense of things. For example, you're not actually registering all the letters in this sentence, but just the shape of the words (unless any are unfamiliar to you). Often when we see something that doesn't make complete sense, our brains make it into something that does. Just now, my brain is filling in more gaps than actually exist. I believe the thing with the insects is a very common experience; every slight movement registered towards the edge of my visual field becomes an identifiable insect, at least for a second. I imagine most people have experienced thinking they saw a fly or spider when it was probably a flicker or light or a spec of dust on the surface of the eye. Except this is distracting me several times a day. Meanwhile, every bit of noise I'm registering seems to be voices - I'm not hearing voices , but I'm hearing the sound of people talking or singing elsewhere in the house, and there's nobody there. There must have been a slight change in the smell of the air as I entered the kitchen and I was convinced - as well as somewhat confused and annoyed - that AJ was using glass-cleaner to clean the oven. Glass cleaner is a horrible stinky chemical and my nostrils were full of the stuff. But when I confronted AJ, he insisted that he was only using warm water and the smell went away. Nothing too dramatic, at least not during the day. Nights are another matter. I don't know whether the drugs are causing me to have vivid and traumatic dreams or perhaps I'm happening to have a phase. Trouble is that I wake up a few times every night and I seem to become conscious some minutes before I stop dreaming. This is actually quite frightening if I need the loo; if I stay in bed with these odd things happening around me, then I feel fairly safe - I know I am awake and this is the stuff of dreams. If I get up, then I am very nervous of what I might see or hear; I'm nervous of being startled, of screaming or falling over because of something that isn't there. After all, there was that dead body on the floor in the dark at the end of my bed. It even felt solid when I kicked it (I confess to having very little respect for the dead when they are inexplicably on my bedroom floor), but then when I knelt down and touched it, it was gone again. That might sound far more distressing than it was; fact is, if you really did find a dead body on your bedroom floor, confusion would be the initial response. It would probably take some moments before you felt the full horror of the situation and before those moments were over, I had established that it wasn't really there. On the plus side, I have been able to manipulate these night-time semi-somulant experiences ever so slightly. Just to see if I could, I imagined there was a thick fur rug beside my bed, reached down and drew my fingers through it - and it was, it was fur, very thick, soft and silky to touch (the bedroom carpet is quite the opposite). If I could master control of this stuff it would be seriously cool, but that seems rather unlikely. Most of it is, alas, just filling in the gaps. Labels: General Nonsense, Headspace, Luck, Lurgy, Psychology Cheap Software Cheap Borland Cheap Adobe Cheap Microsoft software

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